I nod, giving myself totally over to Minnie. Only in a small corner of my mind, totally disconnected from my actions now, do I, Yulia, remain. Aware of everything around me only if I want to be. Ready to run away to the dark recesses of my mind where even I won't have to experience what my body is undergoing if I don't want to.
"I go in alone," I say with total control of the situation. "Follow me only after two minutes and do not acknowledge me." I am the mistress of my domain until the client arrives. Above everyone except the one who, tonight, shall own me body and soul.
Minnie is an much a survival trait as she is my professional alter ego. Minnie and I are, in more ways than not, two separate people. In order for an eight year old to handle repeated rapes that continued year after year with no hope of an end, some fracturing of my personality was inevitable. Minnie can handle with a smile a beating so severe that it fractures a rib...or with whatever response the client wants. She can walk into a situation with all the right moves and no fear of danger to herself - totally accepting whatever might come of it. She is a chameleon - becoming exactly what each client wants her to be. Tonight, I am exactly the woman a violent, egotistical man who believes the world is his oyster would want. To carry that metaphor further, I'm a pearl.
And I walk into the ballroom damn well knowing it.