[Sendaz]

No body, no death.

+1

[PiXeL01]

Sounds like something Plan9 would say ... Where mirror shade runners would say it part of the job

[Wakshaani]

Did the Office Lady section make it into the Renraku chapter? I suddenly can't remember. Ack.

[PiXeL01]

Dont Think so

[Wakshaani]

Nuts. Understandable tho. 10,000 words over and all that.

Danke.

[PiXeL01]

Det var så lidt

[Dinendae]

The Renraku story's mine, so I thank you bth verymuch. I keep killing people in intro fictions tho, so my next one *really* needs to be about fluffy kittens or something. My karma's in the crapper here.

I don't know about that. Renraku makes a very good name for itself by embracing local cultures, or at least giving a very strong impression of doing so. However they aren't a fluffy bunny, they're a Megacorp just like the rest, with their own dark side; in this case rigid traditionalism. The opening story showed the lengths they'll go to to protect their 'honorable' tradition, and just how deeply ingrained their rigidity to change is.

[Mirikon]

Wak, can I dare to hope that the Orange Queen's presence in the Renraku section means we can be hearing more from her in the future? I miss the big name drops from Shadowland days. Nothing says joy like a jester, a scribe, and a queen debating points of magic while the rest of the shadowcommunity watches.

[Wakshaani]

Wak, can I dare to hope that the Orange Queen's presence in the Renraku section means we can be hearing more from her in the future? I miss the big name drops from Shadowland days. Nothing says joy like a jester, a scribe, and a queen debating points of magic while the rest of the shadowcommunity watches.

There was a second pop-up from her in teh same section, but it was cut for space. Let's see if I have it handy ...

***

The Congo is notoriously dangerous and unexplored since the Awakening, and Renraku is always hiring new guards to protect settlers.

> Wait. What happens to the old guards?
> Riot

> Om nom nom
> Orange Queen

***

Ten thousand words too many, so the jokes got hit first. Totally understandable.

[Kincaid]

Don't make me lol while I'm at work!

[Sendaz]

There was a second pop-up from her in teh same section, but it was cut for space. Let's see if I have it handy ...

***

The Congo is notoriously dangerous and unexplored since the Awakening, and Renraku is always hiring new guards to protect settlers.

> Wait. What happens to the old guards?
> Riot

> Om nom nom
> Orange Queen

***

Ten thousand words too many, so the jokes got hit first. Totally understandable.

Awwww.. but it's things like this that really make it stick in the players minds though.

[Dinendae]

***

The Congo is notoriously dangerous and unexplored since the Awakening, and Renraku is always hiring new guards to protect settlers.

> Wait. What happens to the old guards?
> Riot

> Om nom nom
> Orange Queen

***

YES!!! Thank you, you just made my day! 

[Mirikon]

Wak, can I dare to hope that the Orange Queen's presence in the Renraku section means we can be hearing more from her in the future? I miss the big name drops from Shadowland days. Nothing says joy like a jester, a scribe, and a queen debating points of magic while the rest of the shadowcommunity watches.

There was a second pop-up from her in teh same section, but it was cut for space. Let's see if I have it handy ...

***

The Congo is notoriously dangerous and unexplored since the Awakening, and Renraku is always hiring new guards to protect settlers.

> Wait. What happens to the old guards?
> Riot

> Om nom nom
> Orange Queen

***

Ten thousand words too many, so the jokes got hit first. Totally understandable.

YESSSSSSS! That's what I was hoping for! More of this!

[Fizzygoo]

I did a fairly extensive edit of Market Panic (wanted to get it out by first week, but life eh) which (exceeded the character limit so in two parts) is in the spoiler below (and the next post after this).

I approached it as if it was dropped on my desk to edit like in a previous job where I routinely edited stuff (so working for the same team attitude and what not).

None of what's below is with any expectation that, if the comment/edit/note is better for the book, it will get implemented (the book is published/public after all). I did it as an exercise in editing since it's been a while and to help the authors in their future work (free editing, woot!). I also avoided this forum thread so there's probably stuff that has been covered.

Regardless of the edit notes...I loved the book, overall a great read, lots of stuff to start incorporating into my campaign, and so on. If it isn't mentioned, pointed out, commented on you should go with the assumption that it both read well and that I liked it.

Anyway, they're in spoiler tags for a reason (though since it's notes most of the quotes should largely be out of context, but still)



Market Panic Notes

I'm still catching up on a few of the more recent books, like I haven't read Bloody Business yet, but in searching for a date on Samantha Villers' death, saw that on 15-March-2077 the CC announced the Megacorporate Revision (so ignore comments relating to that and similar comments).

No JackPoint page (no 'hard' in-game date for book)

FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE (fiction) & DRONING ON (in-game)
   Enjoyed the en media res and the transitions to the "beginning"; worked for the fiction. Enjoyed the indie-report-style of Droning On. Still on the fence about whether fiction should tie so closely with in-game. Enjoyed the timeline consistency between the fiction and in-game. Would have preferred the use of wageslave over drone to avoid connection to vehicle drones.

   Notes/Questions
      Fuchi? "'...now that Fuchi bought us.'" pg 7. "'...wanted to be a Fuchi astronaut when I grew up...'" pg 10. "FuchiLand" pg 23. Gets touched on in NeoNET, but would like at little more info for the reader as Fuchi is rarely mention in current books.
      pg 7: PBB (supposed to be PCC)? "Most of those buyers are in PBB and CAS..."
      Bottle imp? "he's suck with the reporter's bottle imp who is glued to Karl until the agreed upon twenty-four hours are up." pg 7. "...looking directly at the bottle imp our editor assigned to him." pg 10. "...but the bottle ip 411'd me as to his location when he didn't show." pg 12. "I et the bottle ip rest on my shoulder; he might come in handy later if Karl wants to have a privat moment." pg 12. "I wonder if he remembers the bottle imp was watching his soykaf debacle this morning." pg 15. "...but I remind him the bottle imp still has him through the wee hours..." pg 26. (word searched Rigger 5.0, Hard Targets, Street Grimiore for "bottle imp", nothing and not until the end of the story is their indication as to magic or machine (watcher/spirit or drone)
      pg 20: Seepage sidebar: "Awakening: 1948", all others "1949"
      pg 25: Drone Types sidebar: Pronoun usage change. Maven/Ladder Climber are neutral. Burnout/Bright Young Thing/Elder Statemens are gendered.

COURTING DISASTER
   Fiction
   Liked the intro fiction, especially the “mouse” bookends. Would have liked a little more detail on how the cord to the CC was inserted.

   In-game
   Good refersher and update on the CC and Z-O in general. Would have liked some hard dates on the Megacorporate Revision (i.e. when was it [was it?] publicly announced, when were all the Big Ten finally on board [or when do JackPoint members think the Big Ten okay'd the Revision], etc.) which ties in to the no JackPoint page for the start of the document.

   Notes/Questions
      pg 28: "in front of" used three times in one paragraph (twice in once sentence).
      pg 30: "Operation Reciprocity. Air strikes. Ground strikes. Drone strikes. Ares, Novatech, Mitsuhama, and Saeder-Krupp..." Novatech?   
      pg 31: "...but deciding the way Kirilenko wanted her to." First time use of "Kirilenko" in better to use full name and/or title for contect/reminding/etc.
      pg 33: "...and yes, haters, I'm including Michele Borden in that assessment..." then "Its' because that seat is currently occupied by Michelle Borden..." pg 34. "Michele Borden (Ares):" pg 35. Name spelling.
      pg 32: "While the real Hino was not killed when she was replaced, she was put into cold storage, and the fate of her froze body is not exactly clear." Then "Ren Iwano (Evo): When the plot to replace the deceased Justice Yoshiko Hino with a digital version..." pg 35. Both quotes from Cosmo, the primary writer of the section.
      Ending to the section is abrupt, not strong on the "Disaster" part of the section title.

ARES MACROECHNOLOGY
   Fiction
   Writing good. But an unknown main character going to assassinate an unknown target. Would have liked it to be more fleshed out/a bit more details.
 
   In-game
   Loved the brackets of the second paragraph. Solid writing for the section. Conscise early history of the company. "Even though that's the real story." pg 43 - excellent. Would have liked a restating of Damien Knight's position in Ares (in addition to the intro side bar for the corp) and any other known positions (if any) in Knight's write up as is done for Vogel.

   Notes/Questions
      The main corporation sidebar lists the Corporate Court Rankings as 2077.
      While seemingly obvious, would have liked Dominant and Secordary Business Languages listed in overview side bar as in the Aztechnology side bar.
      pg 50: "With the Awakening turing sixty-six years old, come December..." So at the time of Cosmo's Ares section writing it is sometime in 2077 before December, before Shadows in Focus: City by Shadow: San Francisco Metroplex.
      pg 44: "For reasons unknown, the project’s plug was pulled, and Avalon was folded into standard Ares Arms R&D." and "Avalon had the chance to be a weapon Ares could market to wide success across the globe and recoup some of those expenses, but the project’s shuttering killed that idea. The Excalibur’s abysmal failure only worsened the corp’s hemorrhaging." pg 45, make is sound like Cosmo is not aware of the connection but "(This is probably why the Excalibur-née Project Avalon...)" pg 54, does.
   Would have like mention of Ares microgravity mana research (or the failure there of).

AZTECHNOLOGY
   Fiction
   Heh, nomnomnom. Like Ares, a bit on the short side and would have loved a few more details on the metaplane and nature of the run that lead up to the story. Otherwise good fun for all.

   In-game
   Yay! Azzie PR!

   Notes/Questions
      The main corporation sidebar lists the Corporate Court Rankings as 2078.
      A Brief History Of The Big A: Acquiring A Nation: 1st paragraph (pg 63): "Calling itself Aztlan to differentiate itself from he collapsed [Mexican] government..." Would have like to see Cosmo or JackPoint member comment on its relation to the NAN.
      Also in the history secion, would have liked mention of taking San Diego/SoSoCal, and Dunkelzahn's Will ("...end to the use of blood magic by Aztechnology...", "To Juan Atzcapotzaco of Aztechnology...", "...what lies behind the door of room 5B78 of the Aztechnology Pyramid in Tenochtitlan..." etc.)
      Kay St. Irregular's comment on pg 68 concerning Dzitbalchén and that Motechuhzoma servers him. Dzitbalchén has been dead for a while. Serves his memory? Wishes? And why is Kay's comments on Dzitbalchén all in present tense, "...the feather serpent who also owns some of Azechnology..." and "I believe Dzitbalchén would take care of his own business..." ?

EVO
   Fiction
   Like the other Megacorp fiction entries, writing good but would like more details; what kind of run is Vice there for?

   In-game
   Over all good, see notes/questions for critiques.

   Notes/Questions
      The main corporation sidebar lists the Corporate Court Rankings as 2078
      Corp overview side bar: Miltech missing entries, would have liked more subsidiaries listed. Again, would have liked Dominant and Secordary Business Languages listed in overview side bar as in the Aztechnology side bar.
      pg 74: Anatoly Zhukov Kirilenko side bar: 16 DEC 2077 death date. Still before San Francisco Metroplex document.
      pg 75: "The company is yet to name a new CEO even months after [Kirilenko's] death..." So Market Panic in-game published date is 16 FEB 2078 or greater (months being plural) or is Plan 9 projecting down the road.
      pg 78: "Opposition to Ysil’s CEO consideration has been inciting violence against nagas around the world." Not clear as to who would be incited or doing the inciting. Internal to Evo, would be going against Evo culture and kept in the shadows. External...less incentive if Evo isn't one's "nationality". Would have liked more info, or JackPoint commentary to give insight.
      pg 85: "...in the event it finds a planet that can be terraformed or one that supports life, but certain plant and animal life from home would be needed until the travelers have adapted to ingesting the local flora and fauna." This kind of crazy talk seems more in Plan 9's sphere than Slamm-0!'s

HORIZON
   Fiction
   Liked the background given to explain the current situation. The transition at the end isn't clear, which may be the point, but sets up the expectation for the rest of the section to be about other corps impersonating Horizon.

   In-game
   Good overview of Horizon's marketing PR, like the detail on corporate structure, mobility in the corp, etc.

   Notes/Questions
      The main corporation sidebar lists the Corporate Court Rankings as 2077.
      Again, would have liked Dominant and Secordary Business Languages formatted similiarly in overview side bar as in the Aztechnology side bar (or visa versa).
      pg 98: "Headquarters: Portland, Tír Tairngire" no longer using Tír name for Portland?
      Hoping for Host information for the Host that houses HIP.
      pg 102: Last sentence of the section ties back to the section's opening fiction, but still confusing; is the male Lone Star dwarf a DG member using magic to appear as a female DG member (complete with identifying Horizon pin).
      Would have liked some profies of key players in the corp.

MITSUHAMA
   Fiction
   Again, overall good. Didn't like description "...next to a wide hole dotted with black holes..." (pg 104). Nice background as to why the story's action was taking place.

   In-game
      Yay! Dates "Ryumyo awoke in 2011, but it wasn't until 2027..." pg 107.

   Notes/Questions
      Want consistence (i.e. primary languages of the corp) in the corporate intro side bar.
      The main corporation sidebar lists the Corporate Court Rankings as 2078.
      pg 108: "...rankings won't be made official by the Corporate Court until March of '78..." So Market Panic should be said to be posted after Feb 16 2078 (see Evo notes) but before March. But then the Mr. Bonds quote "Expect S-K to try and avoid an audit by the end of the year..." (pg 109) which, at best, just puts the Evo section written post Feb 2078 and this section pre 2078.
      pg 109: right column, 1st paragraph: Written too in the future: "Their new position has..." they haven't officially gained that position. "Now that MCT can claim that title..." they can't, as of the writing. 2nd paragraph also falls into this, "...now that MCT is on top of the corporate ranks." And then the rest of the paragraph has Shiawase acting, in the past, against the new rankings which won't be official until March 2078...so much so that "These lessons are putting a strain on the cooperative relationship between MCT and Shiawase..." and again with "...the Emperor has been praising Renraku for their efforts..." tied with "Now that [Renraku] are earning praise over [MCT] that has become the dominant force in the world..." This paragraph should have been written with the expectation that MCT will become #1 (even if S-K avoids an audit), that rumors are starting/beginning with the news that MCT will likely become #1 that Shiawase wants to teach MCT lessons and that the Emperor has started praising Renraku. 3rd (final) paragraph at least has "While it isn't official enough..." and 1st full paragraph, left column, pg 110, focuses on "MCT's growth" rather than yet to be official ranking (which is due in large part to MCT's growth after all) and "Being the biggest kid on the block is going to get them..." is good as it forcasts the assumption as someone writing in the moment rather than previously as someone writing from outside the moment.
      pg 110: "(yup, nothing on Shiawase...suspicious, huh?)" seems particularly out of character for Takata based on the previous totality of Takata's writing.
      The Future Endeavors section (pg 113) also written out of the moment, "They may have gained the crown..." and Mr Bonds' comment "...to maintain the top spot."
      pg 114: Would have liked an "email" date for the Mr. Bonds "Mitsuhama Prospects" full page sidebar.
      Same Mr. Bonds sidebar extends over the border, half-covering, the page number.
      pg 115: Another out of moment, "If it wasn't enought that they've managed to snag the top spot..."
      pg 117: "...even tough the process has been in the works for over a year now." So interest in/formulation of the global SIN registry started around beginning of 2077.
      pg 117: Another out of moment, "followed by [S-K's] loss of the top spot..."
      pg 117: In moment, "Mitsuhama's bing move is going to...but they will say..."

NEONET

   Fiction
   Well written

   In-Game
   Pre-NeoNET history felt rushed. Understandably, but rushed. Enjoyed the drunken posting at the beginning of the "Future" section (and helps set up any mistakes made in the post can be blamed on in-game Icarus being drunk).

   Notes/Questions
      The main corporation sidebar lists the Corporate Court Rankings as 2078.
      Hard Targets (July 28, 2077) posits NeoNET may, rumored, move to St. Louis. Main corporate sidebar indicates they have.
      Annoyed Fuchi Industrial Electrons is listed as a Major Internal Corporation when in Corporate Guide (4E) it is not.
      Slamm-0! introduces the section (indicating he wrote it after the Icarus complies the post) with "...world's second largest megacorporation, including the possible loss of that title." while the main corporate sidebar indicates by (March, going by MCT section) 2078 it will have slid to #8. Yet Icarus writes "The end of '77 was the the lowest value for NeoNET shares..." pg 119, so 2077 4Q is over or just loosely talking?
      Nice St. Louis section to keep it in the moment, going there, but not finalized. Would have liked a "(projected)" note in the main corporation sidebar though.
      pg 123: When was the NeoNET vote, where "Voting hosts were even directly monitored by members of GOD during the twelve hours of voting."?
      Dying Family Tree, pg 124. When did, the date, Samantha Villers die?
      pg 124: "In 2078, one is..." indicates Market Panic is in 2078.
      pg 130: "MCT should up their net worth..." and Mihoshi Oni's following comment, "They'll most certainly be a solid number two if something were to happen to NeoNET" (both pg 130) means this section should have preceeded the MCT section (or keep the order but date each entry with NeoNET being posted before MCT or someone comment that Oni should have read the MCT section instead of skipping to NeoNET or...)
      pg 131: left column, last paragraph ties back to use of Fuchi in the book's opening fiction.

RENRAKU

   Fiction
   Great fiction; backstory is included, motivation of characters is clear, pacing is good.

   In-game
   Nice Baka Dabora remembers originally it was only 8 AAA Corps, pg 136.   
   Liked Orbital DK's "One hundred nuyen per kilo is the simply the lowest rate around." comment (pg 143).

   Notes/Questions
      The main corporation sidebar lists the Corporate Court Rankings as 2077.
      In opening runner chat, "Facing East" beginning section pg 135, Glitch says to Pistons about Haze writing the section, "...I haven't seen your name on a byline for quite a while..." then section starts...with no byline.
      Haze explains a corporate kami pretty well on pg 139, no need for the sidebar on the same page.
      For the "Where's the Party?" section (starting pg 140), headers "Renraku [Division]" should be a larger size than headers of the "Renraku [Division]: Subdivision" headers (or the subdivison headers smaller than the division headers).
      Haze's comment, pg 148, "Which explains the push for the Neo-PD." Might have missed it, but what's the Neo-PD, new police department? PD? Push for it...la Mar pushing SIN Registry, and there's the Corporate Revision. Ah, its detailed on pg 152, use full title when first appearing.
      Would have liked a comment or expansion on "Renraku runs the SIN registry of over one hundred and fifty countries..." (pg 151) with the upcoming global SIN registry (is Renraku on board, against, etc.)
      Fashion section (pg 154) is largely restating the Services section on pg 152.
      Section cuts short, "Other Major Sectors" and then...one sector (tourism), remove "Other Major Sectors" and just put tourism in "Products" section.

[Fizzygoo]

Part 2 of the book edit:




SAEDER-KRUPP

   Fiction
   Writing good. Didn't like the premise. Maybe if more hints/info as to what was the job that Dauger did that got S-K to hire some guys to rough him up. 

   In-game
   S-Kea (Furniture), hehe. The 'One Step Ahead Again' section needs more work. General structure section is good, laying out the complexity clearly. Overall needs a lot of work (see below for examples).

   Notes/Questions
      Languages in main corp sidebar. pg 157.
      "Based on my recent update on the dragon's corporate inquisition in Bloody Business..." A+, awesome, giving the reader the location of the background infomration from which the rest flows.
      "Since the ’40s, Saeder-Krupp has thrived, dominating the corporate landscape as first among equals. The Euro Wars and subsequent economic conquest of Europe, Russia, (Northern) Africa, and the Middle East cemented the corporation’s reign in extended Europe." pg 158. -But Euro Wars started in 2031 (SWA pg 49), "ended" in 2033 with Great Jihad ending after 18 Jan 2036 (Euro War Antiques). So "Since the '30s" (and pre-Lofwyr reveal) would make more sense here.
      On the formation of Neu-Essen, pg 159,...hadn't read about it before. Author gives reader a date. Thank you.
      And again, attack on AEtherlink HQ, pg 159,...a date given. Thank you.
      Kay St. Irregular's post, pg 160, "In September this year, she faces..." so S-K section likely written in 2078.
      "...the giant fell. ...enough to lose the title of biggest megacorp in the world and be passed by Mitsuhama." pg 160. So this section written after it's been made official, sometime in March 2078 (pg 108).
      'One Step Ahead Again' section, pg 160, gets confused. To paraphrase and/or quote each sentence in the first paragraph (with notes in parenthesis): S-K's productivity made it top dog. But that's over now. They had to close and/or merge subsidiaries which moved employees. The closings/mergers allowed other corporations to make gains in those areas. But all the people at S-K were in a positive mood because of the Megacorporate Audit's timing. "With the audit behind them (for S-K or all corps, as written should just be S-K?) and the tensions in the corporate world rising due to several power shifts, the NEEC boils." (Probably should have started a new paragraph with this sentence as focus is shifting from soley S-K to NEEC). "until...recently...Eurocorps consisted of...about three factions" listed factions and comment on those not in those factions. "Now, these alliances are beginning to crumble and may fall apart. One of these new alliances is between..." That alliance is not stable yet. (so the main problem is in what should be the second paragraph, specifically the last three sentences as first sentence says here's the factions. Second sentence says those factions crumbling. Then flips over and says "one of these new alliances" when "new" factions/alliances was never set up...all we were talking about were the "until recently" factions.)
      pg 160: "...to fend off rebellious AA and A corporations..." for NeoNET? or NeoNET and S-K? Understand to "strengthen ...the Corporate Court..." but the fending off bit needs more explanation and since it's a "These guys say, but I think" intro, just cut it if it can't be expanded or commented upon.
      pg 160: "Remember, the main problem of S-K is the lack of productivity." No. The main current problem(s) of S-K, as have been talked about so far are: 1. Shut down nanofabraction branch due to CFD (nothing about not producing all the other goods and services, other than nano), 2. Confused alliance between NeoNET and S-K. 3. That "all of those events combined were too much, even for a giant like Saeder-Krupp" (pg 160, paragraph before the 'One Step Ahead Again' section). Given the list of 'Notable Subsidiaries' and the S-K write-up so far, it is not made clear to the reader where the lack of productivity is coming from (other than nanoforges, which largely began closing down between 2074-2075...3 years ago...starting in the last edition of SR so, if Heisenberg is on the up and up, perhaps a paragraph or runner comment along the lines of "For those of you too tempo'd out in the early 70's to remember, the whole world had become nano-crazy. Standard forms of production were almost entirely abandoned as nanoforges took over productivity for 90% of the world's production. And leading the way was good old Lofwyr at the helm of S-K [though this still wouldn't address why it isn't talked about for the other corps, how it affected them, why S-K is singled out as being affected the most, etc.]"). Core Business section, pg 162, confirms, by way of Krupp-Gruppe, that productivity is not the main problem of S-K.
      pg 162: Core Business, first paragraph...should be at least three paragraphs, second one starting at "The first name that...", third at "So, for example, Krupp..." etc.
      pg 162: "This is why just a few S-K subsidiaries were closed or forced into insolvency, unlike other dragon-affiliated corps." Why is it just dragon-affiliated corps (and how affiliated, like Celedyr-NeoNET and AZT-Feathered Serpents, or lesser like MCT->Yak->Ryumyo?).
      p 163: "So with some notable exceptions, they produce and process chemicals for industrial applications rather than consumer products, unlike its competitors Z-IC, ETC, or Komatsu." This sentence says Z-IC, et al. focuses on consumer (and not industrial) chemicals.
      pg 163: "...would be a hugely less productive...", "...that's why it is...the sector Lofwyr reconstructed when he returned..." (tense), "The other business segment that is famous for S-K is its..." (awkward), "...with subsidiary like Kinesys Heavy Industry." (number agreement).
      pg 163: "...S-K is big in mining Awakened materials..." seems like this should be a section all its own.
      pg 164: "...a perfect circular flow economy...(with all its consequences like resource thefts and Mafia involvement)..." so how is this 'perfect'?
      pg 164: "...the power plants often produce thermal energy, which is also used to heat homes." Power plants take one form of energy (wind, thermal, natural gas, solar, nuclear, tidal, coal, etc.) and turn that into electricity. Something like natural gas distribution may be what's meant here?
      pg 164: "...owns several banks around the world, including at least one big multinational on every continent." See pg 162-163 for "S-K's vast network of construction companies ensures that at least one big company is available on every continent, though it also owns several smaller companies that just do business in on particular area or even single sprawl." and similar comments throughout. Given the General Structure section (pg 161-162), these comments are highly redundant. Perhaps end of Core Business sections have runner comment "And remember, in nearly ever sector, S-K has major business holdings on every continent (especially in Construction and Finance). Some are multinational, others local to a single Sprawl, but almost all do not wear their S-K affiliations on their sleeves."
      pg 165, Magical Research section: would have liked info or comment on how magical research for a company owned by a great dragon is the same, different, or similar.
      pg 166, Orbital DK's comment, "In the meantime, S-K started mining the asteroid, which they would do anyway." Mining implies removing mass. Removing mass changes the asteroids acceleration. Changes in stable-orbit acceleration causes unstable orbits. Unstable orbits must be fixed by adding mass/energy. Mine the asteroid then get it ready for a skyhook or don't mine it at all to save on fuel costs to re-adjust it's orbit.
      pg 166-167, Inside Saeder-Krupp section, first paragraph...didn't feel like it was Heisenberg, cut the whole paragraph.
      pg 167, Sunshine comment, "...German could replace English as the lingua franca in the next ten to twenty years." Thought Japanese tended to be the corporate lingua franca, what with four Japanacorps being in the top 8 back in the day, and nearly a third in the current top 10 still.
      pg 167 "Working for S-K is considered by many a privilege, not only because S-K pays above the average of other megacorporations." ... but? Should be "not only because X, but because of Y (or Y, Z, etc.) as well."
      pg 167: The paragraph about the Accentives, break into new paragraph at "Since S-K has been on top..." as how does it tie into Accentives?
      pg 168: "Besides Horizon..., there are a few organizations or people...that can make [Lofwyr] lose his self-control." Why? Expand, either Heisenberg or via runners like Frosty. A great line buried and left behind.
      pg 169: "...figures like Hyvönen and Montejac are
part of it." first time use of their names, use full names.
      pg 169: "Since the crisis he also has kept an eye on all Horizon-
operations in Europe..." (Coupled with the "Besides Horizon..." pg 168), I may be blanking but what's with the freak-out over Horizon?
      pg 169: "and originates from Portland." Which one https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portland and if Tír, is it getting renamed to it's pre-Tír name?
      Orbital DK comment "Aztech" (pg 166), Heisenberg "Aztech" (pg 170, 171x2), Mr. Bonds comment "Aztech" (pg 170) but other than "Aztech arms" (pg 144), subsidiaries/brands, and Lyran's comment "Aztech's savvy" everyone always uses the full name (and Lyran uses the full name later in the comment).
      pg 171: "...located in Portland..."
      pg 171: "We all love soy, but often it's simply too cold or too expensive to grow it." Thought soy was the cheapest, it's why everything's a soy substitute "soycaf" and what not.
      pg 171: "(like the mass extinction of bees)" maybe 'near extinction'? Otherwise...how plants work now?
      pg 172: "In the past, the local managers were responsible for their own security forces... After the dragon conflict, this system proved to be insufficient." This seems to go against Lofwyr's claws in every pie of the pre-dragon conflict. Expected, pre-conflict Lofwyr knows all. Conflict let local managers become responsible. Now restructuring.
      pg 172: "...atomic weapons (stationed in the SOX)..." no runner comment as to the veracity of that claim?
      pg 172: "...and also anti-dragon weapons, once developed in the early twenty-first century..." awkward phrasing. 'ones developed' maybe?
      pg 172: "...nicknamed 'junta,'..." who nicknamed them that? Do they have an offical title?
      pg 173: The paragraph on Basima Oriol Diasruíz, goes from talking about her in the first sentence. Second sentence "Rumor has it that the techomancer [sic] known as Mihna ("testing") is capable of "hearing" (or detecting) the virus, which led to her promotion and eventual seat on the Corporate Court." As if Mihna is a seperate person from Diasruíz and add to that would have been good for a comment about being a Technomancer to appear in Diasruíz's Corporate Court write up in the Justices section at the beginning of the book.
      pg 173: "...due to their lack of empathy." ...CFD cases can't experience empathy?
      pg 173: For "Baichik, on the other hand, is even an odd person under the nerds." The next sentence "The bald, glasses-wearing Matrix expert and hacker has an IQ of over 150 and is rumored to be a technomancer." doesn't explain what makes him odd.
      pg 174: Fianchetto's comment, he should use Beloit's title (if anything as a reminder to the reader that it's not the old Beloits, but the new).
      pg 174: Frosty's comment, last two sentences nearly unreadable "There she met Aithne Oakforest, who know [sic] resides there. I think the two might have a talk, and since then she is not very keen to be seen in public."
      pg 174: "He informs the OO about..." Corporate Oversight Office last referenced on pg 169, with new section better to use full name in first reference of that section.
      pg 174: "Though still small, Two Moon hires several runners to sabotage every move of FBA in the NAN." Awkward phrasing.
      pg 174: Now they will definitely send to Constantinople for operations against Saided Bey." Awkward phrasing.
      pg 175: "Even today a Hans Brackhaus can be seen around the world hiring teams to work for S-K." Awkward phrasing.
      pg 176: Date given for forming of Neu-Essen, yay!
      pg 176: "...S-K Main Arcology. It's over 566 meters high..." and it's width, lenght, or just comparison to other arcologies (like ACHE)?
      pg 177: "Sometimes S-K subsidiaries get an order, and if they can’t fulfill it, they search for people in the shadows who helped them to reach their goals..." Awkward phrasing.
      pg 177: "Saeder-Krupp believes in long-term benefits, so it will employ successful runner teams for a long time, as long as they benefit from them." Pronoun usage, stay with "it" or "them".
 
SHIAWASE

   Fiction
   Good, some missing "the"s broke attention to the story (first paragraph, "interior of [the] warehouse" and last paragraph, "start to fly at [the] runners". Good set up, nice details on what got the characters to this point in the story.

   In-game
   No beginning history section? Like the recent history (2060s+) detail though. Appreciate the comment-heavy section after the brief current history (in the Leadership Current Challenges section). Good overview of the Biofoods, Biotect, Envirotech, Manufacturing (and linking them to S-K) sections. Needed (and room for) paragraph write ups on the remaining divisions (or a solid section on MIFD's operations). No Running for/against section.

   Notes/Questions
      pg 178, intro fiction, dialog in 4th paragraph, "I am not, burakumin,...However, he could not be here this evening due to other commitments. But he sent me here with your payment..." Remove first "however" and replace "But he..." with "However, he..."
      Main corporate sidebar, ranking doesn't have a year-date like all the others so far.
      Main corporate sidebar, add major/secondary languages for sidebar consistancy.
      Main corporate sidebar, Major Divisions and Associated Subsidiaries, like the bracketed inclusion of product names...would like that consistently throughout the book (or not included or placed elsewhere) as well as note indicating if it's just major brands or all brands, etc.
      Pg 180: "...since 2075, rates...have spiked..." "These numbers have slowly been receding since 2075..." number order either spiked since 2075 and have been receding after 2075+X or numbers spiked at the start of 2075 but have receded since.
      pg 180, last paragraph implies heavy decline in the corporation, while last paragraph of section's intro (pg 180, before Leadership Current Challenges), starting with "For years, Shiawase has been listed as the eighth largest megacorporation...", coupled with main corporate sidebar listing Shiawase as #5 (a jump of 3 places) indicates huge leaps. Looking for more detail in this section...
      pg 184: In or after Kia's comment (left column), good place to plug Neutral Ground from Hard Targets.
      pg 184: Kia's second comment, include a name or two of the various "Matrix conspiracy theories".
      pg 185: "In 2078, the head of the Shinto Advisory Board is..." so Shiawase section written during or after 2078.
      pg 186: Header title "Major Division to Watch in 2078 an Beyond" indicates section written in or for 2078.
      pg 186: Shiawase Biofood intro, good crossing over with S-K section and indicating that, despite previous Shiawase sections over all "problems in Shiawase", here is one reason why the corp has risen from 8 to 5 in ranking.
      pg 187: "...pay very well... You can usually make upwards of 25,000 nuyen per job." Assuming a four-runner team, that's 6,250 nuyen each. As per SR5 pg 375-376, this would be a simple run of evenly numbered enemies with highest opposing Dice Pool of about 8 dice or the runners are outnumbered two to one by Professional Rating 4 or higher (but none using a dice pool higher than 7) and facing three different spirits (again, none using a dice pool higher than 7). Suggest changing to either "at least 10,000 nuyen per runner" or "over 40,000 nuyen per job."
      pg 187, "...Shiawase brings in over two trillion dollars annually...", pg 190, "...Shiawase Manufacturing brings in over a trillion nuyen...each year." Watch dollars vs. nuyen and generally give more approximate numbers (trillions rather than "one" or "two") so as to avoid errors or extrapolated calculations (like Shiawase has 11 major divisions, if each were at 2 trillion average then Shiawase brings in about 22 trillion per year, and given it's #5, make that the average for all 10 megas, so 220 trillion per year is what they make, where current world GDP is about $100 trillion (2014 CIA world fact book), so 2.2 nuyen in 2078 is on par with $1 in 2014). 
      pg 188: "the board has expected the biotech division to have expanded its profits by at least seventy-five percent... Instead...only managed to increase profits by a meager six percent, far less than what the board was expecting (which...was closer to either a twenty or thirty percent increase in market share)." Parenthetical note not needed unless there's a reason to link 75% profit increase equals a 20-30% market share increase.

WUXING

   Fiction
   Writing good, but lacking details as to what Lin Mae was doing it for, why she had ended up there, or why she was targeted for extraction.

   In-game
   Nice history section, like the date of elder Wu's death in '39 linked to AA status for Wuxing "within six years." Good overall overview on how Wuxing jumped three places in the AAA rankings. Nice write-ups on personnel.

   Notes/Questions
      Main corporate sidebar, corp ranking for 2077.
      Main corporate sidebar, add primary/secondary languages.
      pg 193: Lei Kung's comment,"...a run in 2078..." places this section posted to Jackpoint in 2078.
      pg 201: "Their (Wuxing and Evo's) partnership through the PPG had been deteriorating steadily over the last few years..." but pg 198 "The first hit was the collapse of he PPG."
      pg 202: "magic loss due to critical injury" and Ethernaut's following comment. No 5th Edition rules on magic loss through injury?

OVERALL

Like the short and sweet "Running For..." and "Running Against..." sections. Good Profiles of key players.

Good to have the brief history sections

Would prefer a uniform Corporate Overview sidebar layout.

Want more dates! Like when did Horizon take Consensus offline? When did Consensus 2.0 come online other than just "...the recently unveiled Consensus 2.0..." (pg 95)?

Want more tie in to the A and AA mergers listed in Hard Targets.