OOC1: I know the drug is "Jazz" not "the Jazz." It is just a verbal quirk of Preston's
OOC2: Sorry about another wall of text post. Just kind of heavy stuff going on, from a character point of view.
* Oleg: not so high and mighty after all. Maybe she isn't so bad.
* Monkey: Say yes! I don't care about the details, just say yes!
* Coleman: Not as big of a risk as it seemed on the surface. She can deny, or play it off as a joke, and would be believed over me every time.
"That ... makes a lot more sense than what I had up until now. And that is a lot to process."
* Gamma: This is an awkward pause.
Confession for a confession, that was the technique Fisher had drilled into him. Probably he should have some stock fake confessions handy, but he'd have to settle for something real. Since they were on the topic of drugs anyway ... "Oddly, Radiant Shadow was one of the people who helped me get off of the Jazz. It helps that she mostly deals only in the purest grades, that give more kick for less dosage and less side effects -- a little easier to deal with. But once my cause for starting to take it was gone, she also helped me walk the ladder down through lesser stimulants, until I stalled at 'caff. I mean, she wasn't the one who put up with my rants and occasional screams, begging and occasional threats, or who helped me focus on my goal to get past all of that. But still I don't know if I would have done it without her support and belief that I should get past my addiction to the Jazz. She's a weird sort of dealer, doesn't like seeing customers implode."
After a moment of looking at blood splatters on the wall of his memory, he adds "I was riding it pretty close to that implosion point, she could probably tell. Was going way too fast to observe myself or realize what I was really thinking. It's an incredible rush to be moving and thinking that fast, but without those checks ..." Preston shakes his head ruefully, and sums up that period with "Now I get to go over some of those moments in my nightmares. Maybe it was needful at the time, maybe it wasn't, but either way the psychic debt takes a long time to pay off."
There, that felt fair. No need to go into the hot sim addiction that was another part of how I got off Jazz. Not that I'm planning on getting back into it, either -- but that is another avenue I don't need her blocking off.
As for the rest, where to even start? Thief? Lover? Employee? Partner?
* Oleg: Doesn't she ever take a breather? I haven't even gotten past my job interview job yet!
There, that was his angle. "It sounds like you love a thrill, a sense of danger? I guess I have a bit of that, but also it just makes me feel sick to my stomach. That was part of why the Jazz was so appealing, it helped me feel more in control because I was ahead of the action most of the time, and that left me feeling less sick. 'Till the Jazz wore off, of course, and it was all worse until the next hit, but I guess you understand that sort of cycle."
"But my point is that having everything happen at once isn't the good kind of stress for me. Stress can stimulate higher performance, or it can interfere with smooth functioning by distracting from the real priorities." He can hear Sonya's psychology hectoring ring through his head -- how many of these words are hers, with a shift of pronoun? "Having all these choices, all these opportunities, I'm guessing that would be exciting for you? But for me it is more just overwhelming, too many decisions with not enough data to support them, too many possible interactions to analyze ... sure things get complicated when you are in the middle of doing things, but survival has a nice way of pushing distractions aside until later."
"Where I'm trying to go with all of this is that I think your offers are really exciting, but could we hold off on them until after this week? Let me do my best on the job you've already given me, then we'll know more where we are, and stuff .... "
* Monkey: No, no I just didn't. I blew it, then she let it be un-blown, then I did this? I'm outraged!
"Although, I wouldn't say no to another kiss or two, since that is already part of things."
* Monkey: A kiss? SILK SHEETS AND WAKING UP TO REAL COFFEE AND A REAL WOMAN AND I SETTLE FOR A KISS?
* Delayed gratification is a key part of emotional intelligence
* Monkey: Pbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbbpb to delayed gratification!