[Father_Twilight]

Making a character, still very new to the game so was hoping to get some input on this design, any suggested improvements or comments on mistakes made would be very much appreciated.




Name: Richard Trelone
Alias: Whisper
Race: Human
Sex: Male
Nationality: American (mixed Germanic/Italian lineage)
Lifestyle: Middle
Karma Spent: 0
Physical Description: 6' tall with black hair cut short and a permanent 5 o'clock shadow, brown eyes, and normal workday clothes, Whisper looks just like a hundred other people you meet on a daily basis. The only possible feature that would catch your eye would be a large ropey scar across his throat, if his throat was ever visible. He always takes care to wear a hankercheif or high collar shirt, something to cover that scar. A side effect of this is that his voice is raw and scratchy, and requires a conscious effort to push beyond the level of a whisper as Richard has refused to let doctors simply repair his vocal chords. 
Personality/background Whisper is a child of the shadows, he always sits with his back to the wall or else facing a reflective surface, his eyes never stop casing a joint once he enters it and he is always coiled on the inside, ready for a sudden burst of movement. Yet he makes a conscious effort to always look relaxed, normal, and completely part of his surroundings. He has become so good at it that it is hard for anyone to pick him out of a crowd. He feels fierce loyalty for anyone he works with, and hates traitors with a burning passion. He holds a special place in his heart for small children, especially little girls, to such an extent that he refuses to ever endanger them in any way with his actions on a run.

When Whisper was young he worked for the Vory in L.A., as was a family tradition. His father had been a member of the syndicate, and his son had followed in his footsteps. Whisper found out at a young age that he had a gift of silence, he could sneak into places his father only dreamed of and it made him a natural born burglar. He lifted precious stones and secret documents with equal ease for the Vory, until his sister came of age and his father was informed that she was being "honored" with a position in one of the Vory's brothels. Whisper immediately snuck his family out of their home, and using all of his skills at subterfuge hid them away in an out of the way location, thinking they were safe he returned to L.A. to face down the bosses, hoping to make a deal of his services in payment of his family's debt for their betrayal. He was subdued upon reaching the meet and then dragged back to his home, he had been followed to his hideout thanks to his sister, she had called a friend to let her know she was safe. Whisper watched as the house went up on flames, and he heard his parent's cry's for help just before the knife slid along his throat, and then he saw only black.

He awoke a week later with a local hermit sitting over him, his hands aglow with healing magic. He learned that the hermit had found him moments after the Vory had departed and had barely managed to stem the blood flow and save his life. A search of the ruins revealed only two skeletons, meaning his sister had not died in this fire. Since that day he has kept his eyes incessantly peeled for news of his sister, and held a private hatred of the Vory, though in his professional life he never let any hint of his past identity arise.

Attributes

Body	Agility	Reaction	Strength
3	5	5(7)	4
Charisma	Intuition	Logic	Willpower
2	4	3	1
Edge	Magic/Resonance	Essence	Initiative
2	0	2.5	9(11)

Positive Qualities
Catlike
Blandness
Double Jointed
Negative Qualities
Poor Self Control: Compulsive, OCD needs to ensure all gear is cleaned and prepped at least twice before leaving house or embarking on mission, cannot stand things being out of place
Moderate Allergy: Silver
Lost Loved One: Sister
Big Regret: Failing to be there when his family was killed by the Vory, and not knowing what happened to his sister after that attack.
Incompetent: Archery
Incompetent: Leadership
 

Active Skills

Athletics Skill Group	2
Climbing	4 (Freehand +2)
Gymnastics	4
Close Combat Skill Group	2
Electronics Skill Group	2
Disguise	3(Cosmetics +2)
Etiquette	1
Escape Artist	1
Infiltration	4(Motion Sensors +2)
Locksmith	1
Pistols	3
Throwing Weapons	2
Shadowing	3(Tailing +2)
Perception	2
Exotic Weapon(Garrote)	2
Palming	2

Knowledge Skills ( [Logic + Intuition] x 3 free points)

Security System Design	2
Corporate Security Procedures	2(Ares)
Classic Literature	2

Language Skills

English	N
Russian	2

Cyber/Bioware

Cyberware	Essence	Cost	Notes
Cyber Eyes(Rating 4)	.5	55,500¥	Eye Recording Unit, Image Link, Low Light Vision, Thermal Vision, Retinal Duplication(2) Smartlink, Vision Enhancement(3), Flare Compensation
Cyberware	Essence	Cost	Notes
Wired Reflexes(2)	3	32,000¥	+2 Reaction +2 IP

Gear (77,555(86,000 in Cybernetics)¥)

Chameleon Suit (Thermal Damping 6, Nonconductivity 3)	12,500¥
Lined Coat	700¥
Victorinex Memory Knife	1250¥
Morrissey Elan Holdout	450¥
HK Urban Fighter w/silencer	1900¥
Flash Grenade x3	90¥
Flash Bang x3	90¥
High Explosive Grenade x3	135¥
Garrote	10¥
Hidden Gun Arm Slide	350¥
Concealable Holster	75¥
Spare Clips 4(holdout)	20¥
APDS Rounds 10x10 bullet sealed clips for Urban Fighter	1400¥
Regular Rounds x40	80¥
Glasscutter	10¥
Appraisal Tool Kit	500¥
Operations Cleanup Kit	500¥
Fingernail Data Storage	200¥
Ballpoint Microtransceiver(Rating 6)	3,000¥
False Bottom Attache Case	300¥
Autopicker (Rating 6)	1200¥
Cellular Glove Molder (Rating 3)	600¥
Chisel	20¥
Keycard Copier (Rating 6)	1,800¥
Lockpick Set	300¥
Maglock Passkey (Rating 6	12,000¥
Sequencer (Rating 6)	1200¥
Mini Welder	250¥
Wire Clippers	25¥
Plastic Restraints x100	10¥
Fake SIN (Rating 6 x3)	18,000¥
Fake License (Rating 6) x4 (2 Journalist ID badges, 2 fake Private Investigator Liscenses)	2400¥
Hermes Ikon Commlink(Iris Orb Operating System)	4,000¥
Subvocal Microphone	50¥
Micro transceiver (Rating 6)	1200¥
Tag Eraser	150¥
White Noise Generator (Rating 6)	300¥
Micro Sensor (Microphone) x10	500¥
Micro Sensor (Camera) x5	500¥
Micro Sensor (Radio Signal Scanner rating 6) x5	900¥
Gecko Tape Gloves	250¥
Respirator (Rating 6)	600¥
Grapple Gun	500¥
Catalyst Stick	120¥
Stealth Rope (1,000 meters)	850¥
Climbing Gear	200¥
Rappelling Gloves	70¥
Medkit (Rating 4)	400¥
Trauma patch	500¥
Latex Face mask x5	2500¥
Disposable Syringe x10	100¥
4 Doses Gamma-Scopaline	600¥
6 Doses Narcojet	400¥

Contacts

Contact		C/L
Fixer (Tankz)		3/2
Contact		C/L
Mafia Capo (Vinnie the Hammer)		3/2
Contact		C/L
Blogger(Corporate scandal/gossip) (Charlotte Evans)		4/2

Build Point totals:  410 = 400 + 35 - 25 (190 Attributes + 180 skills= 370 - 10 Qualities= 360 + 16 Contacts = 376 + 34= 410)

[rasmusnicolaj]

 You have kind of average attributes. Do you need a Strength of 4? You could shift 1 Logic to Intuition for +1 initiative. Willpower 1 is really asking to get al sort of nasty things happen to you. Raise it to at least 3.

Skills are most karma effecient with one at 6, the important ones at 4 and the ones you can’t live without at one. I would lover Athletics Skill Group to 1. I would drop the Close Combat Group and instead get one of the skills from it at 4 (that will save you 4 BP, give you +2 in your dicepool and you don’t have redundant skills). Drop Locksmith and get a autopicker R6 – most locks are bypassed with Hardware and electronic equipment in SR. You have Pistols, Throwing Weapons and Garotte – that is 1 or possible 2 to much. You use a lot of BP on skills that does the same things.
Waith with specializations until after start. They only cost 2 karma each.

You should have 21 Knowledge skills.

Cybereyes are expensive and cost essence. You can get almost the same deal with a cheap combination of contact lenses and glasses.
There are a lot of nice cyberware/bioware you a missing that would be great for a sneaky guy. Synthacardium, reflex recorders and more. And you should try and combine cyberware with bioware for the essence saving bonus.

APDS rounds are over availability 12 so not possible from the start. The same with your Fake SIN. I can’t of my head remember if other things on your equipment list is over 12 in availability put possible some of your electronic B&E gear.
You could optimize your armor by getting some form fitting body armor and supplement with SecureTech stuff.
Modify your guns for added performance.
You could get by with fewer fake SIN’s. But you probalbly need extra licenses to go with them (for your weapons and cyberware).
1.000 meter rope? Are you planning to climb the Everest? I haven’t climbed in years but even 50-100 meters of rope is big, bulky and heavy

Rasmus

[Herr Novak]

I like your story, I'd love to have this char in my group, it offers a ton of plot hooks. But as a man of italian descent, wouldn't La Familia suit better than the Vory?

You raised some skills of a skill group you posess which you can't using standard rules. There ist an optional rule allowing that, though, so check with your GM if that is ok.

Your stealth-skills cost you 48 BPs (not ocunting specialisations) whereas the stealth skillgroup at rank 4 would cost you only 40 BPs. If your GM allows breaking up skill groups at character creation you can still get the specs, but as mentioned before, those are way cheaper with your first karma points. You can save 8 BPs here and have all four skills at rating 4, and you can save additional 6 BPs when you don't take the specs now.

Replace the Garrote with a monofilament Garrote. it does more damage and it doesn't depend on strength, so you can lower strength and put that point or two into Willpower.

Consider making him an adept. That would suit your character concept and offers you great possibilities. In terms of efficiency, nearly every character except mages and technomancers should be an augmented adept. Change your cybereyes for glasses and/or contacts, get your increased reflexs with the adept power and get muscle toner 2 (or maybe even 4 with restricted gear) for better sneaking AND fighting. You should get them even if you don't want to make him an adept.

chris

[Father_Twilight]

Thanks for pointing out my mistakes and the tips. I had considered going adept but I loved the concept of cybereyes with the retinal impersonation, and didn't want to spend a bunch of BP on magic rating. But Will look at changing to adept you are right that it may fit the concept better.

Ya the familia would probably fit better, not sure why I picked the Vory, probably because I wrote the story out at 3 in the morning. X [  lol.

Didn't bother with liscenses for my guns, since the only weapon I have that isn't forbidden is my holdout pistol. For the sheer amount of rope, it's more of a stockpile since I got stealth rope that I destroy with a catalyst stick, figured having a big supply would save me having to find a supplier in the future. As for too many weaponskills, well I like having options. I like the concept of covert killing with a garrote, the option of a ranged attack with a pistol, and being able to accurately throw flashbangs, etc.

Ya for skills in skill groups, I am my groups GM and I have always allowed skills to be raised to breakup the skillgroup, never saw a reason not to allow it so I never thought that could become an issue. See what you mean on how may want to make that strict rule setup for now unless a DM says it can be changed to that.

[Henzington]

yeah RAW you cant break a skill group or get a specialization during character creation.  Not that you would want to buy a specialization anyways as 2 BP is overpriced compared to 2 karma.

[Father_Twilight]

Redid the character taking some advice and pointed out mistakes I made into account and think I came out with a better finished product. If anyone takes a look at it let me know if I went in the right direction or just made new mistakes lol. Used the Chummer character creator to help me keep track of build points and costs, so think this one is more accurate.



Name: Richard Trelone
Alias: Whisper
Race: Human
Sex: Male
Nationality: American (mixed Germanic/Italian lineage)
Lifestyle: Middle
Karma Spent: 0
Physical Description: 6' tall with black hair cut short and a permanent 5 o'clock shadow, brown eyes, and normal workday clothes, Whisper looks just like a hundred other people you meet on a daily basis. The only possible feature that would catch your eye would be a large ropey scar across his throat, if his throat was ever visible. He always takes care to wear a hankercheif or high collar shirt, something to cover that scar. A side effect of this is that his voice is raw and scratchy, and requires a conscious effort to push beyond the level of a whisper as Richard has refused to let doctors simply repair his vocal chords. 
Personality/background Whisper is a child of the shadows, he always sits with his back to the wall or else facing a reflective surface, his eyes never stop casing a joint once he enters it and he is always coiled on the inside, ready for a sudden burst of movement. Yet he makes a conscious effort to always look relaxed, normal, and completely part of his surroundings. He has become so good at it that it is hard for anyone to pick him out of a crowd. He feels fierce loyalty for anyone he works with, and hates traitors with a burning passion. He holds a special place in his heart for small children, especially little girls, to such an extent that he refuses to ever endanger them in any way with his actions on a run.

When Whisper was young he worked for la familia in L.A., as was a family tradition. His father had been a member of the syndicate, and his son had followed in his footsteps. Whisper found out at a young age that he had a gift of silence, he could sneak into places his father only dreamed of and it made him a natural born burglar. He lifted precious stones and secret documents with equal ease for the mafia, until his sister came of age and his father was informed that she was being "honored" with a position in one of the Gianelli's brothels. Whisper immediately snuck his family out of their home, and using all of his skills at subterfuge hid them away in an out of the way location, thinking they were safe he returned to L.A. to face down the bosses, hoping to make a deal of his services in payment of his family's debt for their betrayal. He was subdued upon reaching the meet and then dragged back to his home, he had been followed to his hideout thanks to his sister, she had called a friend to let her know she was safe. Whisper watched as the house went up on flames, and he heard his parent's cry's for help just before the knife slid along his throat, and then he saw only black.

He awoke a week later with a local hermit sitting over him, his hands aglow with healing magic. He learned that the hermit had found him moments after the Vory had departed and had barely managed to stem the blood flow and save his life. A search of the ruins revealed only two skeletons, meaning his sister had not died in this fire. Since that day he has kept his eyes incessantly peeled for news of his sister, and held a private hatred of the Gianelli crime family, though in his professional life he never let any hint of his past identity arise.

Attributes

Body	Agility	Reaction	Strength
3	5(7)	5(7)	2
Charisma	Intuition	Logic	Willpower
2	5	2	2
Edge	Magic/Resonance	Essence	Initiative
2	3	5.6	10(12)

Positive Qualities
Adept
Catlike
Blandness
Double Jointed
Negative Qualities
Poor Self Control: Compulsive, OCD needs to ensure all gear is cleaned and prepped at least twice before leaving house or embarking on mission, cannot stand things being out of place
Moderate Allergy: Silver
Lost Loved One: Sister
Big Regret: Failing to be there when his family was killed by the Vory, and not knowing what happened to his sister after that attack.
Incompetent: Archery
Incompetent: Leadership
 

Active Skills

Electronics Skill Group	2
Stealth Skill Group	4
Climbing	4
Blades	3
Etiquette	1
Escape Artist	1
Pistols	6
Throwing Weapons	2
Perception	2
Exotic Weapon(mono filament Garrote)	3

Knowledge Skills ( [Logic + Intuition] x 3 free points)

Security System Design	4
Mafia	4
Classic Literature	3
Security Tactics	3

Language Skills

English	N
Italian	4
Japanese	3

Adept Powers

Power	Cost	Notes
Improved Reflexes 2	3	+2 reaction/IP

Cyber/Bioware

Bioware	Essence	Cost	Notes
Muscle Toner	.4	16,000¥

Gear (150,000(16,000 in Bioware))¥)

Glasses Rating 4(Flare Compensation, Image Link, Low Light, Smartlink)	775¥
Contact Lenses Rating 2 (Thermographic, Vision Enhancement 3)	500¥
Chameleon Suit (Thermal Damping 6, Nonconductivity 3)	12,500¥
Lined Coat	700¥
Victorinex Memory Knife	1250¥
Morrissey Elan Holdout	450¥
HK Urban Fighter w/silencer	1900¥
Thermal Smoke Grenade x3	105¥
Flash Bang x3	90¥
High Explosive Grenade x3	135¥
Mono filament Garrote	2000¥
Hidden Gun Arm Slide	350¥
Concealable Holster	75¥
Spare Clips 4(holdout)	20¥
Explosive Rounds 10x10 bullet sealed clips for Urban Fighter	1000¥
Regular Rounds x40	80¥
Glasscutter	10¥
Appraisal Tool Kit	500¥
Operations Cleanup Kit	500¥
Fingernail Data Storage	200¥
Ballpoint Microtransceiver(Rating 6)	3,000¥
False Bottom Attache Case	300¥
Autopicker (Rating 6)	1200¥
Cellular Glove Molder (Rating 3)	600¥
Chisel	20¥
Keycard Copier (Rating 6)	1,800¥
Lockpick Set	300¥
Maglock Passkey (Rating 4	8,000¥
Sequencer (Rating 4)	800¥
Mini Welder	250¥
Wire Clippers	25¥
Plastic Restraints x100	10¥
Fake SIN (Rating 4 x3)	12,000¥
Fake License (Rating 4) x4 (2 Journalist ID badges, 2 fake Private Investigator Liscenses)	1600¥
Hermes Ikon Commlink(Iris Orb Operating System)	4,000¥
Subvocal Microphone	50¥
Micro transceiver (Rating 6)	1200¥
Tag Eraser	150¥
White Noise Generator (Rating 6)	300¥
Micro Sensor (Microphone) x10	500¥
Micro Sensor (Camera) x5	500¥
Micro Sensor (Radio Signal Scanner rating 6) x5	900¥
Gecko Tape Gloves	250¥
Respirator (Rating 6)	600¥
Grapple Gun	500¥
Catalyst Stick	120¥
Stealth Rope (1,000 meters)	850¥
Climbing Gear	200¥
Rappelling Gloves	70¥
Medkit (Rating 4)	400¥
Trauma patch	500¥
Latex Face mask x5	2500¥
Disposable Syringe x10	100¥
6 Doses Narcojet	400¥

Contacts

Contact		C/L
Fixer (Tankz)		3/2
Contact		C/L
Mafia Capo (Vinnie the Hammer)		4/2
Contact		C/L
Blogger(Corporate scandal/gossip) (Charlotte Evans)		4/2

Build Point totals:  405 = 400 + 35 - 30 (210 Attributes + 148 skills= 358 - 5 Qualities= 353 + 17 Contacts = 370 + 30= 400)

[Scarecrow71]

Couple of things I see wrong with your character:

1.  You have the quality of Adept, but you don't have any Adept powers listed.  Find a way to spend another 10 BP and increase your MAG to 4.  That gives you 4 power points to use, with which you should take Increased Reflexes 2 (which will give you an augmented REA of 7, as well as 2 more initiative passes), and then a couple of Adept powers of your liking.  I prefer Combat Sense because you get an additional 1 die for REA tests against Surprise and ranged/melee defense per rating, but that's just me.

2.  You have the bonus to AGI incorrect.  Muscle Toner Rating 2 adds +2 to AGI, not REA.

3.  You are spending 48 points total on Disguise, Infiltration, Palming, and Shadowing; if you take the Stealth group at 4 this is only 40 BP and you are saving yourself 8 points that can be used elsewhere.

This is just what I am seeing without putting the character into Chummer myself.  And take my advice with some salt grains as I've been known to be completely off-base before. 

[Father_Twilight]

Crap knew I forgot to input something. Ya with BP spent I got improved reflexes 2, and that was the only adept power I took. Would have to give up other traits I really want in order to afford more and didn't want to do that. And I added the bonus for the reflexes but forgot to add the bonus for the muscle toner.

As for the Stealth stuff, Well mainly have it set up that way because I don't know if a GM would let me add levels to JUST one of them in the future, thus breaking them out of the group and allowing specialization. Which is something I really want to do in at least two of those four skills. So am planning to make up a character sheet using the skillgroup so that if I find a GM that will allow that, I can use that sheet instead.

Thanks for pointing out the mistakes. Thinking I will use karma in the future to improve magic rating and get more adept powers in the future, think that is able to be done need to read up more on adepts, I havn't looked into them hardly at all.

[Scarecrow71]

Per SR4A, page 270:

If a character improves any skill in a skill group individually instead of improving the group, the remaining skills are treated as individual skills with individual levels from that point—in other words, the skill group no longer exists.

I read this to mean that you CAN improve skills separately after character creation without needing GM approval to do so.  The book makes a ruling on doing so.  And considering it is cheaper at character creation to purchase the whole group at 4 instead of the 4 skills at the ratings you have, it makes more sense to do it this way.

And think of it this way - to increase a skill group is cheaper than increasing the individual skills.  Example:

Using the Stealth group, there are 4 skills - Disguise, Infiltration, Palming, and Shadowing.  If you have the skill group at 4 and want to increase it (and therefore all of these skills at one time) to 5, it would cost you 25 karma (improved rating x 5).  Sounds like a lot, right?  Not really.

If you have each of the 4 skills individually at 4 and want to improve each of them, you are talking about 10 karma per skill (improved rating x 2).  By 4 skills, that's 40 karma.

However, with all of this said...it's your character, and I hope you find a game for him to join. 

[Father_Twilight]

Wow, ya I need to read the skill section a bit more closely got confused on that whole issue. Definately going to redo the stealth skills now that I have these facts in hand. Thanks for clarifying it for me and pointing out my mistake, using the group would definately be cheaper and open up more creation options for me. Greatly appreciated.