An old link brought me back here, so I thought I'd do some Narcothreading and put in a few lines from the games this... Far too long.
After Crazy Talks (The Most Interesting Vegas Shaman In The World) was arrested due to a practical joke at a drive-thru: "I should have brought my bow and arrows. Those are sound suppressed." "Those were seized in the station wagon." "I can make new ones."
And, later about the Station Wagon: "We can take my car, but it's still in lockup. It's still evidence, but it's been downgraded from homicide to arson."
And more about the damned car: "A very nice police officer down at the station burned my car to a crisp. Strangely enough, I am OK with this."
And about the PC that caused the problem around the Station Wagon: "I didn't even learn the name of the guy that got me in jail. I didn't have time! Chunky?" "Well, he was buried in a Salsa Tub."
"I Ainten't Dead" - Sign on Crazy Talks when he goes Astral
"You brought grenades to a business meeting?" "I left them in the car!"
Shadowrunner Ink (Tattoo shop covering a illegal trid-porn studio covering a Shadowrunner crew) grabbing random PC guy number 3 for a 'run: "Oh dear Ghost, I just came in for a Prince Albert!!!"
"So here's an Edge for your roll to be tattooed." "Because you've messed up this guy's life enough all ready."
"Why is a tattoo parlour calling me?" "We're trying to expand our business. You're our one-hundredth caller. That we, um, auto-dialled."
"Actually, his shipping container home improved the property values of the tattoo shop." "Yes, I actually have a white picket fence." "What did you built it out of?" "Broken pallets."
"That's Buddy, he's our special forces. Very special forces. Short bus to the combat zone special."
Also about Buddy: "Where did you get a kilo of novacoke?" "From my shorts." "Where did it come from?" "The shorts fairy?"
"Crazy-Talks, it takes you almost three weeks to feel spiritually clean after that one shift at the call centre." "I visit Buddy to sit next to his Meth Lab, it'll help me feel better."
"They're hunting the cock-blocking roosters." (Cockatrices, but it still fits.).
"And then we rode a giant snake into battle!"
The Pornomancer, literally she is the director for Shadowrunner Ink movies, trying to distract some Humanis thugs at a church meeting: "Look, we brought you an elf!"
And, later, a different group of Humanis Thugs: "I could approach them as I'm a human. And you're a human. And you..." "No."
"For once, we didn't get our way through violence."
"And make it so that he can see trial." "Yeah, because you guys are all about law and order."
"If we kill this guy and take his stuff, I might try to buy his house." "Making opportunities in the rental market."
"Hello, have you heard the Good Word of the Spirits?"
"So we have Neo, Neo, Mad Scientist, and Extra From Tombstone."
Introducing the new PC's vehicle of choice: "He is driving the van from that Pepsi commercial, while *MY* van gets spray painted!"
More about the van: "I have a flatbed trailer being towed by a van with a metal album cover on the side. Nothing about this is legal."
"Usually when you're knocked out, you're missing things." "Typically all of your money and most of your dignity. Or all of your dignity and most of your money."
Another from Crazy-Talks: "OK, so I go into the toy section, find dolls, and get my Mass Animate spell ready..."
Again, Crazy-Talks: "What am I going to do, shoot a taser arrow into him and steal his pants?" "No, you'll do it like a proper Indian. You'll scalp him like the French taught you." "You'll feel a slight tingling, then absolute agony."
"My character does not have faith with this crew." "I hate to break it to you, the regulars don't either."
"I kind of feel bad, I killed a Power Ranger mech." and, later, "Man, we're doing society a favor for doing this. Ukrainian Super Sentai, you can't trust them." and continuing, "This thing was made with love. And it was destroyed by porn star love." "That's called lust."
"He is stronger than is physically possible. He has cybernetics that make him more human than human. Despite being a troll."
"You wake up to the forensic shaman staring at you and a puddle spirit humping your chest." "Not the strangest way that I've woken up."
"So, when you wake up, the bleeding is not my fault. I do take credit for the bruises."
"Do I get experience point for killing the airbag?"
"You're probably wondering why I'm wearing this gas mask. Surprised you're not asking why I'm not wearing pants."
"We're on a mission for Hentai?" "You've seen live-action Hentai."
"A high pitched screaming comes after you open the door." "Watcher spirit?" "Something more mundane, a home alarm."
"I think it is a Germanic language?" "From the Umlauts, yes. Either that, or it is a Metal band."
"This troll stole my land, gave me a corner to live on it. I'm thinking of making a casino." - Crazy-Talks, Las Vegas Exile
"Wait a minute, we actually get experience?" (After months of weekly games and no karma spending)
"Bill, you are my best friend today." "What do you need?"
"You see all the walks of life for magical traditions. Looks like they are equal opportunity exploiters."
"But can you do Feng Shui?" "Hey, I'm a Contractor, I can break ANYTHING." "I can believe it."
"Hey, let's mess up the Feng Shui by taking the porn studio mop bucket and mix it with paint..." "No, that'd destroy the building."
"I have the skills to change the plumbing in the office." "Yeah, but you have three days, and no permission." "That's a problem."
"They're going to build a wall between the CAS and Aztlan." "Oh?" "Too many hillbilly redneck illegal immigrants stealing all the good Mexican jobs."
"I can go in for a interview." "I'll go into HR and hack him a appointment." "You could hack him a full-on job in HR." "True. Want a job?"
"What's he being reprimanded for?" "Losing the desk and keeping the headset."
"Not like there's any social stresses in Shadowrun." "Eighteen hour shifts at a call centre." "Oh, right, we forgot Crazy Talks! He's going to be working the whole shift. Without a desk or chair." "In all fairness, all he needs is a headset and a connection."
"He's in my damned country, learn the language." "Actually, you were in HIS country. It is a AA-Corp."
Bad Russian: "I have to go check Captain, see if drunk. If sober, must get drunk, can only navigate while drinking."
"I'm in Hawai'i! Don't ask! It involves Garden Gnomes!!! I think they're walking!"
"How would you like to buy some term life insurance? No? Are you sure, I know a guy with a really big rifle..."
"I heard this was gang territory. How much is a hunting permit?"
"You want me to smoke them out? Burn them? Take them to a Disco?" "I'm digging the Disco thing." "I'm going to need five Watchers and an Earth Elemental made of Diamonds!" "What?" "I need a disco ball."
"I'm going to mount this thing's head on my van."
"I think we all have vehicles to stash." "I don't. I took the bus." "Dude, send the bus back home!"
"I don't want Technomancer abilities! It's downright unnatural!" "Yeah, unlike magic." "Exactly!"
"Yahtzee!" "That doesn't work in Shadowrun."
"What's a Clue Bat." "It's a Wiffle Bat with a Taser attached."
"I've made bigger things than you by eating Fiber."
"They only want me for my car, why do they never want me for my body!"
"I'm here to do two things: Drink liquor and save your life! And the store is all out of liquor!"
"Souls aren't worth that much, especially in this neighborhood."
"Please don't hit the crane. It's already broken enough as is." "I try to hit the crane on my way out, like it's an accident. I casually have an accident."
"We found the statue, that's what we were paid to do." "It's there, and there, and there, and there..." "I'll get a broom."
"Wait, you mean you're actually teabagging a kill?"
"I didn't know you could smoke a bowl of stupid, but you've proven me wrong!"
"Five guys in a van." "Five guys-One van." "Sounds like a typical Shadowrunnner team, actually."
"The subject may be too heavily dressed for this unit. Please use the armor-piercing scissors to cut open the clothing and attach the sensors directly to skin." "I'm waiting on my monofilament chainsaw."
"A troll, an ork, and a human walk into a bar. The bartender turns to them, and says, 'Hey, what is this, a joke?'."
"I'm going to use my typical test for a magician. I run my sword through him. If he dies, he was a magician."
"Oh, big question, is there a Community Watch in this area?" "A little late now!"
"An elf with a bow? Really?" "Chewbacca had a bow." "He wasn't an elf, and he has a laser bow."
"And now I need to visit the Underwear Fairy."
"Marco." ... "POLO!" "Holy, I can't believe that worked!"
"It's like The Littlest Hobo if he'd been force fed steroids since he was a puppy."
"Gel rounds. Knock them out, then we can wake them up and tase them."
"I use my action to finish my beer."
"Is 'Law' a Knowledge skill?" "Yes. The active skill for that is 'Con'."
"We're being exiled to Newfoundland?"
"How do you spell that?" "Correctly."
"I need a bigger 'deck." "There's spam for that."
"So you Gecko-Tape him to a Lamppost with a sign says 'From Your Friendly, Local, Neighborhood Shadowrunners'?"
"I headbutted a truck. ... I won."
In a mail van: "Can I open the packages, can I open the packages???" "No, don't commit a Federal Offense!"
And during the planning stage that involved Shadowrunners getting into a mail van: "You realize it's a Federal Offense to go through someone's mail, right?"
"He just summoned Satan, who would you be more afraid of?" "Jesus beat you like a moneychanger."
"Oh, Ghost, you're worst than /dev/grrl." - Bull: The Greatest Ork Decker You Never Met
